Rinse
by butterflygirl
Summary: A kind of sister-fic to The Rain Keeps Falling... Relena introspective, about her anguish over Heero's love. If you hate her, you'll enjoy her pain, so read it anyway! If you like her, just read it!


****

Rinse

By Butterflygirl

The song, 'Rinse' is by Vanessa Carlton.

Disclaimer: Do I own Gundam Wing? Is the Pope a Protestant? (That's all you're getting!)

This is kinda a sister fic for 'The Rain Keeps Falling'. They're not directly related, but linked in some way nonetheless. Enjoy.

__

She'd do anything to sparkle in his eye

She would suffer, she would fight, and compromise

She's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright

For answers to questions that will haunt her tonight

Relena sighed and watched the water drain away, drips of rain falling from the ledge above her window to disappear in the wash of identical droplets that joined them in their journey. Where was Heero tonight? Did he watch the rain falling at the same time, or was it sunny where he was? Did he think of her at all?

__

She must rinse it all away

She can't hold him this way

She must rinse this all away

She can't love him this way

God, it hurt to think about him! A strong ache in her breast, a pain that would never go away. She loved him, but it was, at least in appearance, unrequited. How could this have happened to her? This passion, this longing for him that led her to such desire for him she had followed him around the world just to see him, for a single word, a touch? She would have done- would do! - anything for him if it would win her his love. She'd do anything to be the jewel of his eye.

__

How she'd be soothed, how she'd be saved if he could see

She needs to be held in his arms to be free

But everything happens for reasons she will never understand

'Til she knows that the heart of a woman will never be found in the arms of a man

She needed to rid herself of this… pointless love, pointless affection that yielded no fruit! She hadn't seen him in three years, for God's sake! With a small cry of frustration, she ran out into the rain, letting it pour down around her, immediately soaking her to the skin, her clothes sticking tightly to her body.

"Wash it all away!" she cried, raising her arms above her head as the lightning lit up the surrounding area and the thunder covered up her words. Water trickled down inside her sleeves, making her shiver. "I don't want to need him any more!" Some of the water on her face was no longer pure but salt; she could taste it on her lips, feel it clogging up her eyelashes and setting hard on her skin. Oh, just to be held and to hold him again! What she would give… Relena gasped, trying to keep back the inevitable sobs. She loved him, she hated him, she needed him…

__

And as she runs away she fears she won't be followed

What could be worse than leaving something behind?

And as the depths of oceans slowly become shallow

It's loneliness she finds

If only he were mine…

The all-encompassing rain fell to the ground with a sound echoing that of the thunder above. The plants were sodden and so was she; Relena cried alone in her garden, water going down the back of her neck, all over her skin as she prayed for it to wash away her feelings for Heero. 

Why did she have to fall for him, a man who could never return her emotions? Why not a prince, an equal who would understand the difficulties of rulership and be able to love her back, love her as much as she did him?

"Damn you!" she screamed, flinging her head back and shouting at the sky. "Leave me alone! Stop messing with me!" She didn't know who she was yelling at, just that she was yelling; at Heero, at Fate, at someone who didn't exist; what was the difference in the end? She was still alone.

__

She'd do anything to sparkle in his eye

She would suffer, she would fight and compromise

She's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright

For answers to questions that will haunt her tonight

Falling to her knees, Relena didn't feel the grit that took the skin from her legs. Small points of blood welled up and mixed with the trickled of water, turning them crimson. 

"Heero…" she whispered, but the name was swallowed up by another wash of rain and thunder. "Where are you when I need you?" she called aloud, looking around herself. "Why can't you love me?" she murmured, and, wiping the tears away only for them to be replaced with rain, stood up and sighed, hands over her eyes. She would always be alone. Always, like she always had been. She would have to forget Heero, she told herself, standing straight, ignoring her bedraggled state. She would harden her heart and concentrate on her work. There was no place for love in her life. There never had been.

__

She must rinse him

She must rinse him

She can't rinse him

She can't rinse him

She can't, she won't, she must rinse him

She can't, she won't, she must rinse him

She must rinse this all away

She can't rinse this all away

She must rinse this all away

She can't love him this way…

__

Finis.


End file.
